allergens: feline dander, mold and mildew invading the shower's ceiling from beneath chipping paint (k.i.l.l. my landlawd), peanut oil, the absence of touch, walking too far and too long, tears, loud noises, baby shrimps, and the space of waiting before the crowning of my head (now long over-due; i was born in 1973 . . . more about this later)
discoveries: it is difficult and necessary to continue walking, despite swelling limbs. i told my mother that my ankles appear normal after sleeping for close to 24 hours, but there is too much to do for me to engage that remedy as often as required. i think one of my ancestors has taken over my body. i have become some kindred seeker from the late eighteenth century who wears the black laced shoes passed on to her by her kindly mistress. they are two sizes too small. but she walks miles anyway, having purchased her freedom with the softness of her woman's thing and a womb inhabited by the seed of her mistress's all too busy husband - a magistrate and propertied white male descended from blue blood across the atlantic. this ancestor, she is stronger than i, but inhabiting the space of her being is uncomfortable. and yet, she wills me to walk regardless.
responsibilities my mind harps upon, regardless of the clock's ravenous libido for my flesh-bound and all too human limitations: the movement; the presidential election; my daughters' identity construction and safety in a world made dangerous by men who speak a language other than my own; illiteracy; sexual repression; the raping of the mothers and their land; the imprisonment of creative freedom and bodies marked by the most beautifully colored skin; moralism and poverty; ego-maniacal spiritual leaders.
ps -- in the previous post, "the pleasant and bizarre," one must note that the word 'hearst' is a convoluted form of the webster's recognized word 'hearse.' creative writer's liberties abound.